When I was in the closet committing suicide there was so much oppression upon my life that I just thought that death was the best thing for me. I was not a confessing Christian during that part of my life. I was working for the Government of Canada as an Auditor. I had experienced great success in my university years which resulted in my being recruited into the top ranks of the Government of Canada, but this did not satisfy me or fill the void that was blank inside my heart.
One year prior to my suicide attempt, I went through a marriage break-up. My first wife and I both struggled with depression and anxiety. We often fought like cats and dogs with each other. We had two small daughters who were three and six years old and I spent most of my free time with them in their young lives. Yet, during that one year of separation, I only saw them for about a week in a whole year. This was very hard on me.
I had finished two degrees in five years. I became an agnostic through that process and even dabbled in witchcraft. The darkness that was around my life was so intense that I rarely had a moment where I did not feel tormented with murderous thoughts for my own life. I couldn’t see anything good about my life. I had read many books about the afterlife that painted it as simply a place that you disappear into. I believed that I came from darkness and would return to it. There would be no consequences for my death. I would simply fade out into eternity – like gas disappearing into the sky.
When I was a boy, my idea of God was formed through attending church with my parents, but when their divorce occurred, we stopped going to church. I continued to go with my grandparents once or twice a year. When I was 15, I became a Christian, went to Bible College, and became a pastor; but at 21, my ministry fell apart. The Pastor I worked with kicked me out of the church over a minor disagreement about theology. The pain of that moment is hard to put into words. I had been prophesying that a revival was going to take place in that church and three months after I was kicked out, the revival began. I thought to myself, if that is the kind of God you are to reward those that hurt people, I want nothing to do you or your church.
I became an agnostic while I studied for my BA in Philosophy and Political Science. When I gave up on God, I became a womaniser and drank all the time. I got married when I was 20, but the marriage was so difficult that it fell apart within eight years.
That long, hard season brought me to what I thought was the end - the day that I was hanging in the closet. I would literally hear voices taunting me to kill myself. I would often see spirits in my room like dark shadows. I knew they were there but still did not believe in God.
I had called my mother the day that I was planning to die. At this point in her life she had had an encounter with God. She tried to talk me out of killing myself but I cut her off and said, “Mom I am only calling to say goodbye. Please tell my daughters and my sister that I love them very much, and I love you mom.”
She hung up the phone thinking to herself, “There are two things I can do. I can call the police and they will not make it in time, or (and this is what she did) I can dance and start singing "AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE WE WILL SERVE THE LORD.” She told me later that when she did this, a great peace came over her and she went to sleep like a baby.
While I was in the closet, just after her intercession, I started to see stars and black out. I was on my knees, leaning forward on a cable TV cord that was tied to a bar in the closet. In that moment of my final breath, I heard God speak for the first time in years. He said, “What are you doing - I have a plan for your life?” I was shocked and tried to convince myself that it was my own mind speaking and began to hang once again. Again, I started to black out and see stars, and again I heard God speak saying “What are you doing - I have a plan for your life?”
I was scared now, because I thought, “If God is speaking to me, then perhaps there is a hell and I might be heading toward it.” I jumped up and ran out of the closet and went to my bed. I stood on it and started jumping up and down waving my fist at the ceiling and at God. I said, “How dare you speak to me after all of these years?” I passed out in a frenzy, and went to sleep.
That night I had an encounter with God. I was lying on my bed when all of a sudden a tornado-like wind came into my room and sucked me up and through the ceiling and into the sky. I was dangling over my house about three hundred feet in the air. I was terrified looking down, but then I started to fly like one with authority. It was night-time, but I could see towns in the distance lit up by their street lights. I started to fly toward them. As I came to the town, I landed in the streets and started to run. There were people with me. We pulled rifles off of our backs and began to shoot at dark shadows running in front of us. The darkness would break from them and they turned to white and had red hearts. They ran and formed an army that ran with me through the town to free others the same way.
I woke up knowing that God had a plan for my life. I have learned since that this dream represented the healing and prophetic ministry that I now walk in. I now travel around the earth preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ.
After I had that amazing encounter, it took me two more years to commit my life to Christ. Since 2004, I have been on fire for the Lord. I have ministered to tens of thousands of people around the globe in many nations. I have not stopped running for the Lord. Many have been saved, delivered and healed; and we have raised up many others to walk the way that we do.
God’s plan is being fulfilled in my life daily, and it is now 14 years later. I am still going strong. I have remarried, to my wife Lydia and we have five children together. They travel with me from town to town, and we together are seeing a mighty work of God take place in our time.